Sports Photography fish-eye coolness

So you've got some mates who do skateboarding inbetween smoking resin and touching themselves and they've asked you to take some photos because their GCSE design project needs brightening up (because drawings of a skate-ramp is boring as shit but thats all they could think of because they'd been up late the night before with that slag Steffy and her 'magic lips').

So you thought 'wouldn't it be cool if i shot them with a fish-eye lens, it would look just like the photos i see in the magazines and they'd be really happy and not beat me up everyday and make my life a living hell for being a photography/photoshop geek'.

but oh no!!! you can't afford a fish-eye lens on the money you get for washing your stepdads car, besides the fact that you still owe him for that pocketwizard set you accidently bid for on eBay using his credit card details.

so what to do? you read a tutorial that said photoshop could distort the image to make it look like a really cool fish-eye shot. so you said you'd take the photos for the skaters and your pathetic little teenage life would be worth living and nothing like the pages of a Nirvana Fanzine anymore.

well you were wrong. very very wrong. PS won't do that for you. it'll look shit and you'll get beaten up again, they'll get F's for their GCSE projects, won't get jobs and will blame you for their shitty lives claiming the dole until they win the lottery and make your life even worse by creeping on your wife and stealing her from you just to piss you off and continue the grude that you stareted by fuckin up their skating photos.

so whats the answer? a simple 6 step guide to fish-eye shots on the cheap. i've saved your life, you owe me beer and your pocketwizards bitch.

1.go fishing for a big fish. i mean a reel big fish.
2. catch the big fish and cut out its eyes. be careful, you need them both
3.take out the optics from your shitty sigma lens that you got as a kit lens from Jessops when your mummy and stepdaddy got your camera at xmas
4. get some red elastic bands off the pavement outside your house (they're there, the lazy postman drops them instead of putting them in his pocket, prick). glue each eye lens to a sepparate elasticband and mount them on the drive motorpoints where the shitty sigma lenses were.
5. mount the lens on your D40 and fuck me sideways, its a cheap fish-eye lens. no PS, no fuckin about
6.you owe me beer and pocketwizards bitch.